Through pain I found…..Myself

So…….Here I am again, trying to revive my blog. Once again I try to be consistent with my writing in the hopes that I will keep this momentum throughout the rest of the year. We shall see how the year pans out but I truly hope to be more consistent with writing a new blog post every other week. I often get so distracted by life in general and this should by no means be an excuse to stop me from writing because I do love the craft of expressing myself through words and captivating the audience through my written thoughts.

Today I had the honour of spending my day celebrating a friend’s birthday and while I went through the day in joyous laughter, happiness and love I also got to reflect on life in general; which is exactly what this post is about. It is often interesting how everyone seems to go through life with such ease that you would think there had never been any pain in their lives. I now know how strong humans are for humans go through unfortunate events and come out of them stronger than before. When I hear stories of what people have been through, my own pain does not even compare sometimes. Humans are extremely strong and this in itself is truly extraordinary to say the very least. They often say that without pain one cannot appreciate happiness and peace, but at times I wonder if this is a fair statement – how does one explain the hurt that civilians in war stricken countries experience? How does one justify family homes getting bombed as if it was a normal occasion? How does one comprehend children hearing gun shots on a regular basis as if it was a lullaby? I cannot even begin to fathom what those people go through on a daily basis and I will not attempt to for that is just incomprehensible.

I however would like to emphasize the fact that with all of us going through this interesting and rather controversial journey that we call life, we can only make the best of it through own experiences and how we relate to others. When people say “treat others with kindness for you do not know the battles that they are going through”, they aren’t just saying it for the purpose of filling up awkward silences. I realize that EVERYONE in this world at any one point goes through something that changes them and shakes them to the very core. Someone at any one point is going through a sincere pain that they never thought they would experience – a loved one passed away, an abusive spouse, a failed marriage, a still birth, war, etc. and the thing about pain is it hits you unexpectedly and so intensely that while you’re in it you do not know how you’re ever going to make it out alive. I often also wonder how those that treat others with sheer hatred, spite and bitterness expect their lives to then run smoothly – I personally believe in Karma….or at least the very notion that the universe ULTIMATELY gives you exactly what you deserve. You reap what you sow.

Whatever pain you are experiencing, please treat everyone with the same respect that you would want; treat them with care and dignity for how you treat people is truly an ultimate reflection of how you view yourself. I for one have never met any self-respecting person treat the next person in a less than pleasing manner – how you treat people is how you view yourself. Now I could go on about working on yourself and learning to love yourself, but I am not in any position to say that and neither am I in a position to tell you how to live life, but imagine if we could all learn to treat people the way we would want them to treat us……just imagine that. Imagine if we could learn to co-exist, how would that be like I wonder? For now, it’s only a wonder……#LetsChangeTheWorld

A letter to my younger self

Let me pose two questions to you: Right now if you were to write a letter to your 18 year old self, what would you say about life and what you have learned? What advice would you give yourself?

Dear Moloko,

You have just started out at Monash University South Africa and once again you are in a new environment feeling nervous and excited all at once. You have no idea what’s in store for you but you embrace it in the best way possible. But let me take you back to when you were younger growing up in Botswana. While growing up you sometimes felt that you were automatically put in a position where you had to be alone seeing as you grew up with two boys. You often played with your dolls and spoke to them as if they were mortal friends. Sometimes either mum or dad would join you during your Barbie doll tea parties but mostly you were alone and while it may have sometimes been an unpleasant feeling then, guess what, you are now your own best friend – you love your own company, you love eating alone at restaurants and your favourite pastime is going to catch a movie all on your own. You now realize that once you learn how to be your own best friend, then you are NEVER alone. You realize that in order the venture into unknown terrains and dive into greater adventures, you will have to face them alone, so now….now you do not mind being alone, infact you look forward those moments. For you also know that one who travels alone travels fastest.

You daydream more often than you would like to admit. You daydream about a beautiful world, travelling across oceans and experiencing new cultures. You daydream about adventure and often visualise your goals and dreams. You spend so much time daydreaming that your imaginary world actually feels real to you. Well guess what, it is real. You will get the chance to travel the world and meet amazing, encouragement and enlightening people. You will travel across borders quite often and realize a marvellous world still awaits you even though you’ve travelled to almost all continents. At 29 years old you will still have a burning desire to just travel, travel and do more travelling. You will constantly be curious about the world.

You are like any other girl who dreams of having a family one day – those are actually one of the things you daydream about. At 29 years old that will not have happened yet, but guess what, you’ll realize that you put too much emphasis on things that you cannot control. In matters such as these, just let go and let God – God’s timing is always perfect. You will learn to love yourself, appreciate those who love you and encourage those who need to be encouraged. In your journey for continuous improvement you will realise that love can be many things, but one thing that it is not is what some humans have deemed it to be – a shallow, conditional feeling which when given ought to be received. Take careful note when I say to you “love frees you, it is liberating, it is not selfish and it is certainly not flaky.”

People will come into your life for different reasons. Some will last a lifetime and others will wither away like the last leaf drop before winter. Let them be who they are meant to be in your life and let them do what they are meant to do. Hold on to the lifetime friends and don’t chase after the ones that break out of your life. However, treat all humans with the same respect as you would show yourself.

Listen to your parents. Your parents have been where you are and even at 29 years old, they have been where you will be right now (if that makes sense). Spend as much time as possible with your mother for she is exemplary in defining the kind of woman you would want to be both personally and professionally. Spend as much time is possible with your father for he was exemplary in portraying how a man should treat a woman, the things that matter most in your significant partner (things that money will never be able to buy), and he also defined the true meaning of a man of quality. His approval will also help you in defining the kind of man whom you will adore, not worship…but adore and support.

Read this letter and ponder upon it but not too hard because you still have a life to live. You will be okay. More than okay.

Love you most,

Moloko at 29

A letter to a higher power...

Dear God,

Thank you!! I know that many people would say that I deserve all the blessings that have come to me lately, but it is all through you that I can even talk about them. I am truly grateful and in awe of your power, but I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t tell you the other side of my feelings – I AM SCARED. I know you know my heart’s desires and I know you have already planned my life but I am anxious about this unfamiliar territory that you are putting me in. You are throwing me out of my comfort zone into another terrifying zone, you are throwing me into a place where they follow another language, they speak a different rhythm and they dance to a different culture – do you feel me? It doesn’t even make sense to me for I have never dared to explore such terrains.

But I realised that you intend to make me feel uncomfortable in order for me to grow. You intend to show your power by allowing me to realize that I cannot control what you have set in motion. You intend to make me realize that unfamiliar territory soon becomes my comfort zone only if I dare to venture into it. You intend to say “do not become comfortable if you want to grow, succeed and flourish. You say to me “do not fear my child, for I already know you and your life.” And I respond “Dear God, guide my steps and guard my soul for I only rely on your mercy and my faith.” I want to thank you God - thank you for my life, for my fortunes, for my health, for my ability to have faith in you, for my……unknown future, thank you. As humans we yearn to plan our lives with such precision that we forget to live, we yearn to have control over our time that we constantly look at our watches and clocks. We forget what is really important in the world. Most importantly we forget to just say thank you….Thank you.

For one of your beloved children.

Words of a younger sister

I have always wondered when I’d be brave enough to write this without feeling the same kind of pain that I felt, so at last here it is. Think back to December 2003, I had just completed my first year at Monash University and was back home for the Christmas holidays. We were all eagerly waiting for my brother Kagiso who was driving down from Johannesburg with relatives. We hadn’t seen him for a year as he was studying in Australia and so we were waiting with so much excitement and waiting to hear about his adventures in the land down under. For some reason -  and I will never ever understand how my mother just had that intuition – my mother kept saying that she is quite worried about Kagiso driving in the evening and she just felt that she would be unsettled until he arrived home. My mother never lets such negative thoughts cloud her mind but that day was different for she kept on repeating her fears about the entire journey. And to make matters worse, she had a dinner that evening and so she didn’t really want to go but we all convinced her that all was well and she should go and enjoy herself. But she was right. While I thought she was being irrational, she was absolutely right. That evening my brother never arrived home.

The phone rings and it’s my mother. She tells the family that my brother was involved in a very unusual accident about an hour from the South Africa / Botswana border – a young female kudu had jumped through the windshield and the hit my brother directly in the head. I know that sounds bizarre but along that Zeerust road it is more common than we think and usually people who get into such accidents where a kudu is involved never survive. I didn’t want to think the worst about the situation and I didn’t want to think about the severity of it all so I simply blocked it out of my mind…..I blocked it out of my mind until I was told that my brother’s heart had stopped twice while he was being flown by paramedics from Zeerust to Milpark Hospital in Johannesburg….I blocked it out of my mind until I heard that he had suffered severe head injuries…I blocked it out of my mind until I saw him lying helplessly in the hospital, in a coma, plugged to a life support machine…I blocked it out of my mind until I heard that he may not wake up from that coma and if he does he may be brain dead. Doctors had nothing positive to say but told us they’ll do everything possible, medical insurance was told to cover my brother for just a week because nobody thought he would survive beyond that week. I saw him there, his body was perfect but his head was swollen and bloody.

We were told so many things that nobody ever wants to hear about a loved one:

"His skull is crushed"

"One of his eyes is missing"

"He has a blood clot in his brain which may or may not dissolve but we cannot operate on it because it’s in an area that is too sensitive, it’s too risky"

"He’s too weak to breathe on his own"

"He may not be able to walk again"

"He may not wake up"

"Let’s take it one day at a time"

About eight different doctors were working on my brother, working around the clock. I found myself negotiating with God. Negotiating in the form of a prayer and it went “Dear God, please spare my brother, please do not take him because we still need him. I still need him. I know us mortals shouldn’t question your plan but this very one is hard to even fathom”. Unlike the pain that I felt when my father passed away, this pain was inexplicable simply because you do envision your future without your parents as that is the natural order of life – we live and ultimately we die and leave our loved ones behind – but I always envisioned my brothers in my future so the fact that I suddenly had to shift my mind to the possibility that life may not happen the way I had always thought it would was something truly hard to come to terms with and quite honestly I refused to come to terms with it, it was too hard to even think about. My emotions were hanging on a threat that any sort of disruption set me off. Even though the nurses kept telling us to speak to him because chances are he could hear us, I couldn’t say sentences without my voice getting shaky, I could say much to him without tears rolling down my cheeks. I just couldn’t say much.

When I say miracles happen it is only because I have seen them happen. My brother underwent about three  or four operations and beat the odds – he woke up, he was not brain dead, even though he was weak at first he could walk nonetheless. Even the doctors were stunned – one doctor even said “I may be atheist but this is the working of a higher power because I can’t truly explain this.” In three months my brother was out of hospital and back home…three months….this is a man who nobody thought would survive…this was a man who even experienced doctors had told us that there’s little chance of survival…yet in a month he was out of ICU and in three months he was out of hospital.

Dear God, Thank you…..

…..For a man

Interesting title huh? Well this post is actually geared towards feminism. A few months back I had a very interesting conversation with one of my family friends. While I told her that I wanted to further my education to do a doctoral degree, she immediately said without hesitation “Don’t become too educated because if you become too smart men will be scared of you and won’t approach you”. I was stunned by that statement because I found it rather strange, shocking and confusing but mostly bizarre. The word mind boggling even comes to mind when I think about that comment. However I did realize her statement was not far from the truth though. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said it perfectly when she said: “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller, we say to girls "You can have ambition but not too much, you should aim to be successful but not too successful otherwise you will threaten the man". Hmmm all so true, these words ring so true. It is amazing but above all tragic that society literally insists that young girls and women aspire for marriage above everything else, to a point that they are often told to “dumb themselves down” in order to be approached by a man.

I was fortunate enough to be raised by an EXTREMELY strong and powerful man who often pushed me beyond my limits because he believed I was always capable of much more. My parents never for a moment uttered the words “My daughter, if you continue wanting to achieve so much men will be too intimidated by you”. Instead my father uttered the words “Never accept anything less for the man who truly loves you will allow you to flourish, won’t be intimidated by you and will have enough strength and maturity to encourage you. And if you come across someone quite the opposite along the way, let them go. The heartache that you’ll get over with time is far much better than sacrificing your dreams your entire life”. These are words that I carry with me in my daily life, and sometimes when I find myself in a whirlpool of confusion I say “what would my father say I wonder?” – that was truly a wise man. Heaven bless him for his life lessons.

Back to my point though ladies - please do not dumb yourselves down or stop dreaming big just to keep a man (I’ve seen this happen so many times, oh my). I wouldn’t even truly call that a relationship because that is just plain dysfunction to say the least.  I would like to think that if someone truly and wholly cares about you, then they would want to see you flourish and do well in whatever you decide to do – Not a partner who thinks “flourish, just as long as it’s not better than me”. But amazingly enough there are quite a few men out there who think that way, a greater number than I’d actually like to admit.

There is a very fine line here however - I have also seen ladies who treat their men with very little respect simply because they define themselves as those Independent Women. Being an independent woman is exactly that in every sense of the word – it means that you can hold / carry your own and stand on your own feet but it should not in any way determine how you treat a man. I think many of us women have that concept twisted, be an independent woman yes, but also be human. BE HUMAN, not super woman. I personally strive to be great and independent however I would also love to find a man who will be strong enough to carry me and catch me when I fall. It’s really that simple ladies – A man who will be emotionally and mentally strong enough to lead and to catch me when I fall.

Our time is not ours

I am not one to do a movie review so I won’t even attempt to but I have to talk about the Best Man Holiday and one of the most important lessons that I got from the movie. FINALLY…FINALLY the Best Man Holiday is out in Africa and I quite literally felt the entire continent celebrating with me this weekend. *insert excited smiley here*

To avoid being a spoiler for those that have not watched the movie, I will be extremely vague and not reveal too much of the movie, but enough to get my point across. I loved the Best Man and so to see the entire cast back again for the sequel got me even more excited. They have all matured in their respective acting careers and it shows during the course of the movie. There was a point during the movie where an unexpected turn was revealed and it is that moment that I would like to talk about. Often enough us humans live life on earth as if we have full control our time on earth. We don’t take enough risks and we often just merely survive, often thinking “I will do it another day”, yet that day may never come (dare I say it). That part of the movie hit hard because it made me think of life in general and how uncertain it can be. It is often unnerving to think just uncertain our lives are and yet we do not take full advantage of the world while we are still in it. It is almost like we are too scared to go out there and explore this breath-taking planet because we think “it is too risky, what if something happens to me”. It’s ironic isn’t it, that the fear of death can actually stop us from living life to the fullest – what a catch 22 that is.

And so I would like to expand on that point a little bit more. I have always taken time out to think deeply about such wonders and have lived life according to a certain philosophy. Many may not fully agree with me on this but these are just a few points that I think us humans should take into consideration:

1. Live life to the fullest, and when I say to the fullest I mean if given the opportunity to travel the world, take it – even if it is just for holiday. Go to the places that you never thought you’d ever go to. It’s through exposure beyond my country’s borders that I learned to see the world as if I were still a young innocent toddler – exposure constantly renews my faith in humanity and re-enforces my optimistic view of the world.
2. Take time out to appreciate your surroundings and the people around you – they always have something to offer.
3. Family is EVERYTHING in the world. Always put them first before careers and everything else.
4. Some people are meant to be in your life for a season and some for a lifetime. Each person serves a purpose in your life, to teach you something that you would have never known had you not met them. Do not confuse the two though – do not allow a seasonal person to become a lifetime person. It often has catastrophic results and it is a waste of your precious time.
5. Forgive anyone who has ever hurt you for if you do not forgive them you are only doing an injustice to yourself. Forgiveness is often viewed as weakness, but it is truly the greatest of strengths.
6. Love one another. Treat one another the way you would want to be treated. Apologize if you have done wrong. 

Many of you may take the time to think about what I wrote above and many may not, but I will say this to you and perhaps it will trigger something - Our time on earth is not ours…..Our time is not ours…..but God’s. I’ll leave you with that ladies and gentlemen.

When greatness is thrust upon you

I recently experienced quite a significant shift in my life over the past few months, moreso over the past few days actually. I had the opportunity to fly to Germany for a 2 day business trip which enabled me to solidify a career abroad, meet the people that I’ll be working with and interact with some of the corporate executives. My title rings true in this case simply because indeed this great opportunity was thrust upon on me. One of our senior managers just happened to believe that I have what it takes to be able to make a smooth transition to Germany and flourish in that environment. Going to Germany is quite an important move and a HUGE deal in my world and company and so the fact that this man thought me capable lit a spark in me. It is amazing how when you think you’ve reached a cross road, someone lights a candle and shows you a path that you never dreamed of walking down. It is encouraging, but most of all this senior manager gave me a renewed sense of motivation and the courage to know that anything truly is actually possible. I have always believed that God puts certain people in your life at certain points of your life – guardian angels if you will - just to remind you that he is still the almighty God, and for me that person is this very manager. It also occurred to me that when greatness is thrust upon you it then gives you courage to achieve greatness going forward and so when people say that “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them” they aren’t necessarily referring to three different types people for sometimes those who achieve greatness need to have it thrust upon them in order to even realize it.

This is an exciting opportunity and after my brief trip to Germany I’m more at ease about my decision to move there. It is also nerve wrecking and anxiety is a constant feeling for now. My heart is outside of my body I’m so scared, but with every great result that is desired an equally great risk must be taken and I may not know where life takes me or even how long I have on this earth, but for the time that I have in the world, breathing the same air as my neighbour I shall become the greatest that I can be. I do not even know where this opportunity will take me but I do know that it is bound to be some place good. I have always believed that everything that is difficult or requires hard work in life is surely worth it and I apply that principle to every aspect of my life whether it be my career or personal relationships.

So in a nutshell, if anybody ever has an opportunity to step outside of their comfort zone, DO IT. It is only when we are outside of our own comfort that we see the world for what it is and the beauty that it holds - the way God intended us to see it. There is also no greater feeling than being able to look fear in the eye and overcome it - it is liberating.

A Poet's Masterpiece

Dear readers,

Having been out of the blog-writing business for yonks, I have decided to revamp it with a bang. Now from time to time I will be posting entries that were written by people whom I think have a flair for the arts, more specifically the art of writing; people whom I think were placed on this earth to enlighten us and encourage us to have a greater appreciation for their work of art. That being said, I have an amazing new blog entry - a poem written by a talented young gentleman, Mr. Sesoo Igbazua. I have often enjoyed reading Sesoo's poetry pieces and I have also often been in awe of how delicately he mixes words, paragraphs and sentences to create an impeccably written masterpiece. He has a God-given talent for writing poetry and I would be honoured to share one of his pieces with you. Enjoy!!

.................

when the glamour is lifted

when the veil is pierced

beauty will you remain? vanity will you survive?

when the sun returns

when darkness suffers

fear will you attack, will your fangs still drip potent?

the glamour

ever faithful cohort of the dark

steady opiate for the forgetful

amber colored lipstick on kisses of filth

red soles that walk wide lanes, many called forth eagerly

when the glamour is lifted

when the veil is pierced

what will you see?

- Sesoo Mathew Igbazua

Young Women in Business

Now this blog is a platform whose intention is to leave women feeling empowered, inspired and informed and so every now and then I will be writing articles about women who are making their courageous moves in the world to become leaders of tomorrow. That being said, I would like to take the time to talk about a young inspirational lady called Thembile Legwaila – a young woman in business. Thembi has always had a passion for baking and I am pretty sure that before she could even walk, she could already bake J.  Well Thembi recently took her passion a step further and decided to open her own bakery also known as “heaven for the sweet-toothed”, but officially known as Bella Pastry Bakery.

Having the courage and vision to start a business on your own requires dedication, commitment and above all else perseverance against all odds and that is why I think this young woman is such an inspiration for those of you who want to follow your passion and dreams and turn them into something memorable. Serving the Gaborone and Phakalane area, Bella Pastry has quickly become popular among the locals with cafés, wedding events and corporate functions often featuring its cupcakes, brownies, cakes and other pastries. I for one simply adore Thembi’s red velvet cupcakes and every time I’m in Gaborone I make it a point to order about six just for myself – and truly I don’t care if I become huge; they are just too good to pass up!!! 

So for those of you who are in the Gaborone and Phakalane areas, take your phones, tablets and ipads out and call / email Thembi for some yummylicious treats. She caters for any event from baby showers and weddings to corporate functions. Bella Pastry Bakery also offers fantastic specials for days like Mother's day, Easter, Valentine's Day and Christmas - making those days even more memorable. For more info on these specials, Thembi's contact details and the Bella Pastry menu make sure you visit Bella Pastry Bakery's Facebook page  and blog regularly. 

Happy cup-caking everyone!!

Fifty Shades of Grey...Not the colour

Yet another book worth writing a brief review on. Now this review is a tab bit different because I really can’t  say much about the book lest I give too much information away. I can say however that reading this book, much like one of its characters, leaves your mind wandering into a world that you know exists but never knew was as severe and extreme as all that. A world that involves contractual agreements, much negotiation, open communication, trust, and rules and conditions which you are required to abide by and fullfill.

I once saw a review  on TV about the book and how it was considered one of the sexiest books of our time, but I never paid much attention to that and simpy ignored the TV programme altogether. Having read the 517 page novel in just 2 nights I can attest to that notion. IT IS AMAZING. An author so descriptive and articulate in her craft deserves much mention, praise and all the accolades that are bestowed upon her. E L James writing allows you to envision every scenario and emotion that she writes about, often leaving you gasping in amazement.  

Some compare these books (the trilogy is made up of Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed) to the Twilight trilogy and while the storyline may carry similarities, these books are much easier to relate to because they’re about human beings who have certain unusual, but earthly, desires. Werewolves and vampires on the other hand.....hmmmm well there aren’t any in my neighbourhood so my obvious guess is that they are of a different, fictional world *sarcasm*, so me relating to them AT ALL?? Eh……Need I say more….Catch my drift?

The basic storyline revolves around a steamy relationship between a successful and handsome billionaire and a college graduate, and the book focuses on events and revelations around that. Again without giving too much away, I can say that oddly enough and strange as it may seem, you do sympathise with one of the characters especially when you get to realize that there is a very profound underlying reason that explains why they are the way they are, and why they desire what they do. I for one cannot wait to dig my fingers into the next book in the trilogy, which is Fifty Shades Darker. Happy reading everybody.

Ladies, 10 simple things.....

1. When a man (consciously, subconsciously and unconsciously...LOL) shows you who he is, BELIEVE HIM. Don’t make up stories or excuses for his behaviour, just BELIEVE HIM
2. Actions do speak louder than words….So when a man says he loves you, that doesn't mean a thing….Let him SHOW you
3. Marriage is NOT the wedding day!! Really, it isn't 
4. NEVER make excuses for your man. If at any point your man insults or abuses you don’t blame yourself and don’t blame it on him being drunk because as they say, a drunk person speaks a sober mind. You are worth much more than that 
5. Never rush into anything. Yes life is too short, but that doesn't mean that we should rush it – just live in the moment.
6. As we grow older we realize more than ever that our mothers are extremely strong women…And wise too
7. No matter how busy you get, always make time for your family. They’ll always have your back when all else fails
8. As we get older we tend to love and prefer laid-back chill sessions rather than pulling off club hopping stunts
9. Sometimes when you feel like you have a heavy load on your shoulders and you are about to give up, just let God carry it. He takes care of his children
10. "As you dress, you’ll be addressed". As superficial as that statement may seem, it’s all too true in this world. Food for thought!!

Those are just my observations and I’m pretty sure I’ll have even more significant ones as I grow older. So let’s hear yours…..

Bridal woes

So, this topic just came to me and I thought “let me put it out there to find out what people think about this”. Haven’t you ever been to a wedding and thought “why the heck does the bride seem so stressed and look so depressed when she really should be excited?” I have actually found myself saying or thinking that more often than I should have, and it truly just baffles me. A wedding day, ANY wedding day is supposed to be a joyous event full of laughter, dancing and mostly love – unless of course it is a forced marriage or a marriage of convenience, then that’s just another topic which I dare not delve into. 

Planning a wedding is something that is stressful and tedious and so it does seem reasonable and understandable that during the planning stages people’s emotions would be sky high. The stress levels get further escalated by the fact that so many people from both families get involved and in trying to accommodate everyone’s desires, the bride-to-be can get quite overwhelmed. It gets to a point where some brides honestly just say “When you get married, just elope girl” or “At this point I just wish I could elope”. And mind you, while trying to please people or involve people in the planning process you also have to consider the budget of the wedding, and that on its own can just be such a mind boggling challenge especially when trying to get everything that you want and need to make the wedding day absolutely perfect. In a nutshell, wedding planning = a whole lot of stress and drama.

Okay, fast forward to the wedding..…yes, the marvellous wedding day is finally here. The bride has just about fought with everybody up until this day – her mother, her husband-to-be, but mostly her bridesmaids; so finally we can say that the drama is over right? Well, not quite so it seems. I have been to weddings where the bride was so upset with her bridesmaids and vice versa that you could have cut the tension with a steak knife. Okay, so there is tension until the bride gets to the chapel – you would think that by then the drama would be over right? That once she saw her beau waiting for her at the end of the aisle all her worries would just melt away right? Hmmmm not quite. I’m telling you that some wedding days literally begin and end with tension. And when I really think about it, I have to ask myself WHY?

I mean I do understand that every woman wants her wedding to be perfect with no glitches; THIS I KNOW. But sometimes I think that in trying to make everything come together with exact precision, we tend to miss the REAL reason why there is a wedding in the first place: Two people coming together in love!!! We completely miss it……all too often actually!! Okay fine you didn’t get the tiffany chairs that you wanted, instead you were simply forced to settle for the plain chairs that now occupy the room which is filled with octagonal shaped tables rather than the round ones that you constantly pestered every individual for, and the itchy lace dress with the protruding shoulder pads that you are wearing was your grandmother's first choice and not yours. But WHO CARES? Of course us women do have some sort of vision and many a dream of how our perfect wedding day should be like, but truthfully getting married to someone you truly love, someone who is your best friend and greatest companion should just get you to smile and let the little things go. This is someone who you have chosen to devote your life to, someone who you have decided to share the rest of your life with – that is a huge step, a wonderful step. Don’t let little things deter you from what is really important on this day, don’t let the material things distract you from what truly matters. Just dance the night away in love with your new husband.

Careless whispers...

Many a time I’ve often sat alone at a café or coffee shop and overheard – okay fine, eavesdropped if you will - the many conversations at surrounding tables, and I can safely say that a majority of conversations that go on between two or more women seated over cocktails are about relationships and/or men.  Women often discuss their relationship problems very openly and indiscriminately with their girlfriends in order to get advice, and in some cases, for some much needed enlightenment and cheering up. Even though some of this advice is sincere and brilliant, take it with a pinch of salt and here’s why: “Every relationship is unique and nobody ever truly has the right answers with regards to this subject”. In fact a lot of the time women will give you advice based on what they have experienced, how they reacted when they experienced it, and what the outcome of their reactions was. In other words, advice is just someone else’s previous experience disguised as profound wisdom.

It’s all good and well to lean on your friends’ shoulders for comfort and help, but surprisingly enough there are some girlfriends who are in a somewhat competitive friendship with you and would love nothing more than to sabotage your love life; the irony of it all being that it is those very friends who we often turn to for relationship advice. Also, these friends find some sort of amusement in talking or gossiping about your problems to other people, and we all know just how distorted messages can get when they travel through multiple channels or media. Women should generally be wary of such friends because, as it turns out, there more deep-rooted issues than those that meet the eye and it is at that point that you need to rationally evaluate your friendship with this person; what your friendship represents as well as what foundation it was built on – but this is another article all on its own. Often times, and this is extremely unfortunate, women tend to rise against each other rather than with each other, probably as a result of envy or jealousy. But I really have to wonder why women would want to keep such friendships – friendships where someone doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

On the flip side though, there are those friends who do give you genuine advice in the hopes that their words will help you make a sound decision. But I have noticed that some women never listen to what their friends have to say, however sincere and true their words may be. They instead go back to their boyfriends / husbands and utter the words, “I was talking to Phillipa about us and she suggested that…” or “Kathy said that you….” Dare I ask, WHY? Why does a woman tell her partner exactly what her friend had to say about her relationship? And above everything else, this woman will probably listen to what her partner has to say over her friend which will ultimately cause a rift between the two women.

My point really is if your friend comes to you seeking advice about her relationship or if you have some startling news (i.e. a cheating partner) about her relationship that you may feel uncomfortable revealing, perhaps you may want to think about how you want to relay this information or IF you really want to say anything to begin with because more often than not messengers do get shot, metaphorically speaking. This is such a touchy topic because while some people say that withholding that kind of information means you are not a true friend, others point out that revealing it may cause unnecessary tension between you and your friend.

There really isn’t an easy way out and for those who insist on withholding information for the sake of an ongoing peaceful friendship, console yourselves and cling onto the notion that learning the hard way is sometimes best and the truth always comes out in the most unexpected ways – it may take weeks, months, it may even take years but somewhere, somehow, the truth regarding a relationship will reveal itself.

Inside Coca Cola…..More than just a soda

Happy New Year you all and compliments of the season (I never quite know when the right time is to stop saying that sentence). I have been gone for quite a bit and while I have not been updating my blog as regularly as I would like to, 2012 is the year when I change that circumstance. On to the point, I recently read a book written by Neville Isdell, former CEO and Chairman of the Coca-Cola Company, called Inside Coca-Cola. While one would assume that this book would be a typical autobiography of a prominent businessman, it serves much more than that – it not only depicts and follows his professional life in one of the most successful companies in history, but it also teaches the reader about the business lessons and fundaments that he has learnt throughout his career; lessons that may come in handy for present and future entrepreneurs, and business leaders.

In this cleverly-written and insightful book, one cannot begin to fathom the challenges and hardships that Isdell must have faced, and the creativity and courage that it took to solve them while also trying to successfully lead a multi-billion dollar company. More commendable however, is his simple yet powerful analysis of positive capitalism. In the last chapter entitled Connected Capitalism, he extensively explains how capitalism can contribute positively towards solving some of the world’s greatest problems; this of course only being possible through the positive collaboration and marriage of three key elements – NGOs, businesses and governments.  

He is an iconic businessman, but more notable is his great penmanship as he is the co-author of this enthralling book, and I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone and everyone!!!

The Eternal Optimist

I wondered when I would be able to write this article because I want it to be absolutely flawless and to express my genuine feelings about this person who was once in my life, but after this past weekend, the precise words just seem to effortlessly appear on paper.

Recently we had a thanksgiving service for a life well lived, my father, and it served every bit the purpose which it was intended to serve. It was a light-hearted, intimate ceremony which left us reminiscing about the great man that was Professor Thomas Tlou. The pastor, the church choir, family and friends, we all gave thanks to God for having had the privilege to meet such a man in our lifetime. And while all the speakers summed it up perfectly, it is my turn to give my personal thanks in my own words and here I say this:

- I give thanks to God for having had such an awesome, generous, loving, caring and great father,

- I thank God that I was given 25 years with him, and while some may say 25 years is a short time comparatively, I say that my father’s love is still extremely alive and vibrant in my memories, thoughts and daily life that it will be engraved in my mind and soul for a million and one more years to come, even beyond my lifetime,

- I thank you God for a selfless father who would strive to be the best father, husband, friend and man that he could be on a daily basis,

- I thank you oh dear God for the hardworking, beloved father who once walked the earth, for he helped build a nation, he helped build education in Botswana and played a significant role in the strengthening of educational institutions and services in Southern Africa,

- I thank you God for giving me a father who, although was extremely successful, still remained incredibly humble, teaching me the true value and worth of a man’s heart and soul,

- I thank God for having had a father who, even when all odds were against him and obstacles stood firm in his path, still remained eternally optimistic,

- And finally I thank you God for allowing me to learn from this man, to learn from one of your angels. Some called him a friend, my mother called him a husband, my brethren called him a father, relatives called him an uncle, cousin and son, and a certain student once honoured him as the "teacher of his teachers". But to me.....to me, dear God, this man was much more than that.....which is why I call him The Eternal Optimist.

Walk a mile in her shoes ~ SlutWalk

It [SlutWalk] is a global movement, with protest marches taking place from Washington, DC all the way to New Delhi, and while its official name does raise eyebrows, it is an extremely serious and relevant movement. Earlier this year, after a Toronto police officer suggested that to remain safe, "women should avoid dressing like sluts”, the SlutWalk rallies began with participants protesting against excusing rape by referring to any aspect of a woman's appearance. After reading some of the experiences and stories that women shared about their rape ordeal, it bothered me that a great percentage of them, in their traumatized state, were victimized and blamed by the very people who were supposed to make them feel more at ease, considering the circumstances. Many women are infact afraid of going to a hospital / clinic and getting examined by a doctor and/ or reporting their rape at a police station out of fear of being victimized; there have been cases where doctors and police officers have blatantly blamed rape victims for having aggravated their perpetrators because they were either dressed "provocatively" or supposedly had loose morals.  In some cases, the very doctors who examined these women also ended up raping them. 

The movement has now reached South Africa, with marches taking place during the months of August and September. For those people who live in Cape Town and want to get involved, please visit  SlutWalk Cape Town. If you are in the immediate Johannesburg area the event is now on Saturday, 24^th Sept 2011 (instead of the initial date of the 20^th Aug) around the Zoo Lake area. For more info please visit SlutWalk Jo'burg.

To learn more about SlutWalk, please visit SlutWalk international.  

Celebrating Women's Day

Wishing a Happy Women's Day to all the beautiful, elegant, foxy, fierce, amazing women out there. On this day we celebrate the wonder that is a woman, the strength of a woman, the zest of a woman. But ladies, let us not allow our celebration to only be limited to a day; celebrate being a woman every day of your life, celebrate the fact that each day when you wake up the world smiles at you for having the courage to get out of bed and strive to achieve your goals, celebrate the fact that with every step you take you bring unbelievable joy to someone, celebrate the fact that your smile lights up a room, a building, a region; celebrate the fact that without you, a nation would be no more. Happy Women's Day to you.

5 – 4 – 3 – 2 Yo! Time is up

They say good things come to those who wait. But after much deliberation, I firmly believe that this phrase should be modified to read “good things come to those who wait, granted they know exactly what it is they are waiting for and granted that whatever it is they are waiting for is worth it”. I say this with much enthusiasm and conviction because in recent years, it has come to my attention that many women partake in the waiting game – mainly waiting for a man to commit – when it is evidently not worth it in some cases. “Worth it” is extremely relative, but while some women ever-so-patiently allow their lovers to slowly but surely cross the finish line into the world of holy matrimony; while they wait for a man to finally make that ultimate decision, many of them could possibly be missing out on something special out there. As harsh as it may sound, it is only the truth; in waiting for something which may never happen, we inevitably forego other possibilities, other opportunities, other potentials.The fact still remains that if a man truly wants to commit to you, by any means possible he WILL make it happen. No games, no lingering uncertainty - he will undoubtedly make it happen.

I’ve often witnessed women put their careers, goals and life plans on hold for a man; often counting down the minutes, hours, months and years while waiting for their significant other to make that crucial decision of whether he wants to commit or not. Infact in some cases, all it takes to get us into a tailspin is for him to whisper, or even utter in passing, the words “I want to make you my wife; I want you to be the mother of my children”.

It is true and without a doubt that in any relationship only the two parties involved can truly know what is happening between them, and only they can evaluate whether their lover is worth the wait; but if for any reason you find yourself in a situation where you repeatedly say or even think “he has learnt his lesson and he will change”, “he is definitely getting better and I believe him when he says he won’t lie and cheat on me again” , “I think once we get married things will get better”, then I beg of you, please sit down and think just how far you are willing to allow another person to disrespect you and disregard your feelings. It is always better to let go of a helpless situation with your last bit of dignity intact than to carry on in it with the hopes that there will eventually be light at the end of the tunnel – that very light could just be an oncoming train.

I’ve come to the realisation that.........

I’ve come to the realisation that life can be a bed of roses,

I’ve also come to the realisation that this same life can be unfair,

I’ve come to the realisation that the world is not black and white,

I’ve also come to the realisation that there are more grey areas than we presume,

I’ve come to the realisation that people pass away and leave their loved ones behind,

I’ve also come to the realisation that those people who have passed on are the ones who we still need most,

I’ve come to the realisation that having an ounce of courage can lead me down paths that I never imagined possible,

I’ve also come to the realisation that having that same courage is a result of getting up every time someone beats me down,

I’ve come to the realisation that it’s painfully devastating when I do not get what I want,

I’ve also come to the realisation that what I want is not necessarily what I need,

I’ve come to the realisation that I should put all that is beyond my control in God’s hands,

I’ve also come to the realisation that God helps those who help themselves,

I’ve come to the realisation that it takes a village to raise a child,

I’ve also come to the realisation that that same village has dwellers who are themselves unfit to raise their own children,

I’ve come to the realisation that there is no greater love than the love of God,

I’ve also come to the realisation that God’s love is portrayed through the unconditional love of our parents,

I’ve come to the realisation that perhaps we do not live the lives that we are supposed to,

But perhaps, most importantly, I’ve also come to the realisation that we are ultimately the pioneers of our own destiny, and thus our own way of living.

Let's go dutch

Recently I had a conversation with a colleague of mine about the unspoken first date protocol and etiquette, and it’s amazing how we both had such different and conflicting views about which party was automatically obligated to pick up the bill. It made me wonder just how many people got stranded and/or had an inexplicably horrible first date simply because while one of the two parties thought “she invited me, therefore she should pay”, the other party had an opposing view – “he is the man and it is only expected that he pay the bill”. It happens folks, it happens!

Now, based on my findings from asking different people about this topic, there were three apparent views:

1. The man should ALWAYS pay on the first date regardless of who asked whom out. Men are supposed to be the providers of the family (FAMILY? Hang on, we are only talking about the “superficial” first date here, not marriage) therefore they should step up to the plate and show women that they can take care of them.
2. The person who asked the other one out should ideally pick up the bill because s/he invited the other person to lunch / dinner so it is only common courtesy.
3.  Both parties should agree to go dutch from the onset.

In light of that, I would like to hear your opinions out there – there is no right or wrong answer for this question but it will be interesting to read different comments, opinions and explanation. So I pose this question to you:  WHO SHOULD PICK UP THE BILL ON THE FIRST DATE?

Now, a few of my sample group members stated that while it is completely acceptable and appropriate to go dutch on the first date, if this is an ongoing behaviour beyond your second date.........hmmmm then ladies........this perhaps may be the right time to RUN FOR THE HILLS