…..For a man

Interesting title huh? Well this post is actually geared towards feminism. A few months back I had a very interesting conversation with one of my family friends. While I told her that I wanted to further my education to do a doctoral degree, she immediately said without hesitation “Don’t become too educated because if you become too smart men will be scared of you and won’t approach you”. I was stunned by that statement because I found it rather strange, shocking and confusing but mostly bizarre. The word mind boggling even comes to mind when I think about that comment. However I did realize her statement was not far from the truth though. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said it perfectly when she said: “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller, we say to girls "You can have ambition but not too much, you should aim to be successful but not too successful otherwise you will threaten the man". Hmmm all so true, these words ring so true. It is amazing but above all tragic that society literally insists that young girls and women aspire for marriage above everything else, to a point that they are often told to “dumb themselves down” in order to be approached by a man.

I was fortunate enough to be raised by an EXTREMELY strong and powerful man who often pushed me beyond my limits because he believed I was always capable of much more. My parents never for a moment uttered the words “My daughter, if you continue wanting to achieve so much men will be too intimidated by you”. Instead my father uttered the words “Never accept anything less for the man who truly loves you will allow you to flourish, won’t be intimidated by you and will have enough strength and maturity to encourage you. And if you come across someone quite the opposite along the way, let them go. The heartache that you’ll get over with time is far much better than sacrificing your dreams your entire life”. These are words that I carry with me in my daily life, and sometimes when I find myself in a whirlpool of confusion I say “what would my father say I wonder?” – that was truly a wise man. Heaven bless him for his life lessons.

Back to my point though ladies - please do not dumb yourselves down or stop dreaming big just to keep a man (I’ve seen this happen so many times, oh my). I wouldn’t even truly call that a relationship because that is just plain dysfunction to say the least.  I would like to think that if someone truly and wholly cares about you, then they would want to see you flourish and do well in whatever you decide to do – Not a partner who thinks “flourish, just as long as it’s not better than me”. But amazingly enough there are quite a few men out there who think that way, a greater number than I’d actually like to admit.

There is a very fine line here however - I have also seen ladies who treat their men with very little respect simply because they define themselves as those Independent Women. Being an independent woman is exactly that in every sense of the word – it means that you can hold / carry your own and stand on your own feet but it should not in any way determine how you treat a man. I think many of us women have that concept twisted, be an independent woman yes, but also be human. BE HUMAN, not super woman. I personally strive to be great and independent however I would also love to find a man who will be strong enough to carry me and catch me when I fall. It’s really that simple ladies – A man who will be emotionally and mentally strong enough to lead and to catch me when I fall.