Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Love makes you.....pack up and leave?


Ladies, ladies…when it comes to love, we will do the boldest and bravest things ever known to mankind.  We do things that, under normal circumstances, would seem bizarre and completely irrational. This inexplicable creature called love clouds our judgement and sense of rationale that everything, at any point in time seems possible all in the name of love. A more noticeable trend is the fact that women are more than willing and ready to leave their countries / homelands and follow their sweethearts across borders and oceans to be closer to them. But now for the age-old question: Why is it that in most cases, it is most likely that the woman will be the one to sacrifice quite a lot by moving to places unknown? Don’t get me wrong, I do acknowledge and can attest to the fact that men can and have made that drastic life altering decision to move across borders and oceans to be closer to their lovers, but in most cases, the woman literally makes the first move.

I am not one to try and be objective in answering this question. Infact I do believe that when it comes to matters of the heart, everything is subjective because WE ALL get utterly perplexed by love’s confusing joy. But like everyone else, I do have an opinion nonetheless. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with relocating to be with a loved one, but ladies by all means, please do exercise some caution. Think as rationally as you possible can (considering the circumstances) and evaluate what you would be giving up if you uprooted your life and moved versus what you could gain from this move. The most common motivation is the assumption that “If I moved I would be closer to him, and just the thought of it makes me drunk with happiness”, but it is not as simple as that. First and foremost, you will already have certain expectations that if you move for him your relationship will become stronger and there will be more commitment from his end; you will be happier; and things will get rosier from there, yet in a lot of cases that is not what happens at all. And I am no exception for I have been there. I have been shot by the love gun, where it hurt so good, it was hard to see beyond the love bubble that I was in. I didn’t necessarily pack my bags and relocate, but I certainly jumped the gun by setting high expectations and ultimately getting disappointed when they weren’t met.

Ladies, if you are thinking of moving to a different geographical region, think about your own wellbeing. Think about how you would cope in that different environment, faced with an unfamiliar culture and social structure. Think about how easy or challenging it would be for you to find your footing, for you to find and retain a fulfilling job, for you to be able to sustain yourself. I am fully aware that these previous thoughts sound cynical and extremely unromantic, but they are some of the basic questions that you need to ask yourself. A male friend once said that “it is easier for women to relocate because they don’t have as much responsibilities as men do; responsibilities such as mortgage payments and other investments.” I completely disagree with him 120% because to me these two concepts are unrelated; investments can have some weight when making decisions about relocating, but it is not a valid justification as to why it is easier for women to move.

All I intended to express is that it’s always safer to plan and be certain and fully aware of what you are getting yourself into, and should you and him break-up and go your separate ways, put yourself in a situation where you would easily be able to carry on with no regrets. Total bliss can turn into a total miss if one moves prematurely.

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