I’ve come to the realisation that.........

I’ve come to the realisation that life can be a bed of roses,

I’ve also come to the realisation that this same life can be unfair,

I’ve come to the realisation that the world is not black and white,

I’ve also come to the realisation that there are more grey areas than we presume,

I’ve come to the realisation that people pass away and leave their loved ones behind,

I’ve also come to the realisation that those people who have passed on are the ones who we still need most,

I’ve come to the realisation that having an ounce of courage can lead me down paths that I never imagined possible,

I’ve also come to the realisation that having that same courage is a result of getting up every time someone beats me down,

I’ve come to the realisation that it’s painfully devastating when I do not get what I want,

I’ve also come to the realisation that what I want is not necessarily what I need,

I’ve come to the realisation that I should put all that is beyond my control in God’s hands,

I’ve also come to the realisation that God helps those who help themselves,

I’ve come to the realisation that it takes a village to raise a child,

I’ve also come to the realisation that that same village has dwellers who are themselves unfit to raise their own children,

I’ve come to the realisation that there is no greater love than the love of God,

I’ve also come to the realisation that God’s love is portrayed through the unconditional love of our parents,

I’ve come to the realisation that perhaps we do not live the lives that we are supposed to,

But perhaps, most importantly, I’ve also come to the realisation that we are ultimately the pioneers of our own destiny, and thus our own way of living.

Let's go dutch

Recently I had a conversation with a colleague of mine about the unspoken first date protocol and etiquette, and it’s amazing how we both had such different and conflicting views about which party was automatically obligated to pick up the bill. It made me wonder just how many people got stranded and/or had an inexplicably horrible first date simply because while one of the two parties thought “she invited me, therefore she should pay”, the other party had an opposing view – “he is the man and it is only expected that he pay the bill”. It happens folks, it happens!

Now, based on my findings from asking different people about this topic, there were three apparent views:

1. The man should ALWAYS pay on the first date regardless of who asked whom out. Men are supposed to be the providers of the family (FAMILY? Hang on, we are only talking about the “superficial” first date here, not marriage) therefore they should step up to the plate and show women that they can take care of them.
2. The person who asked the other one out should ideally pick up the bill because s/he invited the other person to lunch / dinner so it is only common courtesy.
3.  Both parties should agree to go dutch from the onset.

In light of that, I would like to hear your opinions out there – there is no right or wrong answer for this question but it will be interesting to read different comments, opinions and explanation. So I pose this question to you:  WHO SHOULD PICK UP THE BILL ON THE FIRST DATE?

Now, a few of my sample group members stated that while it is completely acceptable and appropriate to go dutch on the first date, if this is an ongoing behaviour beyond your second date.........hmmmm then ladies........this perhaps may be the right time to RUN FOR THE HILLS

Love makes you.....pack up and leave?

Ladies, ladies…when it comes to love, we will do the boldest and bravest things ever known to mankind.  We do things that, under normal circumstances, would seem bizarre and completely irrational. This inexplicable creature called love clouds our judgement and sense of rationale that everything, at any point in time seems possible all in the name of love. A more noticeable trend is the fact that women are more than willing and ready to leave their countries / homelands and follow their sweethearts across borders and oceans to be closer to them. But now for the age-old question: Why is it that in most cases, it is most likely that the woman will be the one to sacrifice quite a lot by moving to places unknown? Don’t get me wrong, I do acknowledge and can attest to the fact that men can and have made that drastic life altering decision to move across borders and oceans to be closer to their lovers, but in most cases, the woman literally makes the first move.

I am not one to try and be objective in answering this question. Infact I do believe that when it comes to matters of the heart, everything is subjective because WE ALL get utterly perplexed by love’s confusing joy. But like everyone else, I do have an opinion nonetheless. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with relocating to be with a loved one, but ladies by all means, please do exercise some caution. Think as rationally as you possible can (considering the circumstances) and evaluate what you would be giving up if you uprooted your life and moved versus what you could gain from this move. The most common motivation is the assumption that “If I moved I would be closer to him, and just the thought of it makes me drunk with happiness”, but it is not as simple as that. First and foremost, you will already have certain expectations that if you move for him your relationship will become stronger and there will be more commitment from his end; you will be happier; and things will get rosier from there, yet in a lot of cases that is not what happens at all. And I am no exception for I have been there. I have been shot by the love gun, where it hurt so good, it was hard to see beyond the love bubble that I was in. I didn’t necessarily pack my bags and relocate, but I certainly jumped the gun by setting high expectations and ultimately getting disappointed when they weren’t met.

Ladies, if you are thinking of moving to a different geographical region, think about your own wellbeing. Think about how you would cope in that different environment, faced with an unfamiliar culture and social structure. Think about how easy or challenging it would be for you to find your footing, for you to find and retain a fulfilling job, for you to be able to sustain yourself. I am fully aware that these previous thoughts sound cynical and extremely unromantic, but they are some of the basic questions that you need to ask yourself. A male friend once said that “it is easier for women to relocate because they don’t have as much responsibilities as men do; responsibilities such as mortgage payments and other investments.” I completely disagree with him 120% because to me these two concepts are unrelated; investments can have some weight when making decisions about relocating, but it is not a valid justification as to why it is easier for women to move.

All I intended to express is that it’s always safer to plan and be certain and fully aware of what you are getting yourself into, and should you and him break-up and go your separate ways, put yourself in a situation where you would easily be able to carry on with no regrets. Total bliss can turn into a total miss if one moves prematurely.

Ovulation pains? Think again

A World Health Organization (WHO) report stated that cancer is a leading cause of death worldwide and accounted for 7.6 million deaths (around 13% of all deaths) in 2008. Moreover, cervical cancer is a leading cause of cancer death among women in low-income countries. Isn't it interesting, and somewhat unfortunate, how we ignore some statistics and valuable information until someone close to our hearts gets directly affected by it?

Recently I have taken the time to find out more about cancer, specifically cervical cancer, due to recent personal events in my life. With cervical cancer being a leading cause of cancer death among women, I think women should pay more attention to this disease and research more about it, its early signs and symptoms, causes and treatment options. It was surprising and upsetting to discover that some women may never even experience symptoms until the disease has progressed significantly, which is why it is imperative that women make it a habit to have a pap smear or pay a visit to their Gynaecologist regularly.

Cervical cancer occurs when the cells of the cervix change in a way that leads to abnormal growth and invasion of other tissues or organs of the body. The exact causes of cervical cancer remain unknown but certain risk factors are believed to have an effect. These include previous infection with humanpapillomavirus (HPV), early sexual contact, multiple sexual partners, cigarette smoking, and taking oral contraceptives (birth control pills).

Cervical cancer symptoms vary from woman to woman. While some women experience no symptoms at all, others may experience severe cervical cancer symptoms. Keep in mind that these symptoms are also symptoms of many other illnesses, therefore experiencing some of these symptoms does not necessarily mean that you have cervical cancer, but it’s always advisable to be on the safe side! So if you experience any of the symptoms listed below, please call your doctor immediately and make an appointment. Make sure to write down the symptoms that you have been experiencing which may help guide the doctor in determining the severity of the situation and making a proper diagnosis.

 SYMPTOMS:

• Persistent pelvic pain unrelated to other conditions, menstruation, or physical exertion,
• Some women with cervical cancer may experience pain during vaginal intercourse,
• Abnormal vaginal bleeding is the most commonly experienced cervical cancer symptom,
• A vaginal discharge is a common symptom related to many women's conditions. In advanced cervical cancer, a vaginal discharge may be present and may or may not have an odour,
• Bladder pain or pain during urination can be a symptom of advanced cervical cancer. This cervical cancer symptom usually occurs when cancer has spread to the bladder.

If you know anyone who may be experiencing these symptoms, please encourage them to book an appointment with a doctor immediately – you could be saving a sister; you could be saving a life.

Seduction through the ages

Over the last few years especially in light of the recession, there has been a widespread phenomenon where it is known that women use their “seductive” power to gain access to high profile jobs and positions.  This highly unethical and unprofessional practice has caused many to wonder what the point of higher qualifications, merit and credibility is. Moreover, it has made one question the reputation of companies where it is rumoured that this practice is acceptable and on-going. Recently I participated in a conversation where the topic on the table entailed discussing creative strategies to get jobs, and while a female friend dismissed the idea that she would "reduce her standards by resorting to such practices", a male friend found it be completely acceptable by stating that “it is the way of life these days”. Is it truly, dare I say it, the way of life only in recent times?

While it may be considered a recent revelation that women now use these ever seductive games to rise to the top, hasn’t it always been somewhat evident and blatant? Let’s take a look back at Cleopatra the Queen of Egypt, and the last of the Ptolemaic dynasty. When her brother’s advisors / guardians exiled and expelled her from her city where she had jointly reigned with him, she so cleverly used her manipulative personality, intelligence and power over men to restore her power – she captivated Julius Caesar and he married her. Cleopatra was a seductive and malicious temptress who entranced men to further her power-hungry ambition and satisfy her stubborn appetites, and this was the first of two marriages she used to cement her title as queen. Her second marriage to Mark Antony was simply to gain military power after Caesar died.

Another example is Mary Boleyn’s sister, Anne Boleyn who quickly rose to power to become the Queen of England from 1533 to 1536 as the second wife of Henry VIII of England. Anne had joined the royal court as one of Queen Catherine's Maids-of-Honour but soon lured Henry VIII. She refused to become his mistress and was shrewd enough to wait and not give in to his sexual advances until it was most advantageous for her. Because she manipulated him to annul his marriage to his queen, it soon became the one absorbing object of his desires to do as she pleased so he would be free to marry her. She became his obsession. When it became clear that Pope Clement VII would not annul the marriage, the breaking of the power of the Catholic Church in England commenced. Imagine that, a woman so powerful, seductive and intelligent that she was solely responsible for the break between the Catholic Church of England and Rome. Anne has often been called "the most influential and important queen consort England has ever had", since she provided the occasion for Henry VIII to divorce Catherine of Aragon, declaring his independence from Rome.

Food for thought perhaps!! I am not saying the one should accept these circumstances, especially women who want to be recognized for their merit, hard work and reputation, rather than by other means; I am simply acknowledging that it has been happening throughout the age of time. Perhaps this is a classic case of history constantly repeating itself, but in order to change this behaviour women mustn’t turn a blind eye, instead they should collectively avert these circumstances. While in theory that approach sounds viable, the reality is that humans are of their own mind, and as long as there are women (and men) who actively partake in unethical practices, it will continue to be an issue through the ages.

Contrary to what we learn in "Introduction to Statistics 101".....Do outliers truly exist?

Ladies, before we get into discussion about deep rooted issues and concerns that you wish to express (and hopefully solve), let me interest you in a book that I recently read: Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. Gladwell, with his ingenious writing ability has once again managed to captivate the masses with this ever so profound and enlightening book. I admire his ability to explain and express his research with such precision that he would have even the most cynical of people eating out of the palm of his hand.

Gladwell explains that success should not necessarily be left solely to hard work, but that it also lies in appropriate and timely positioning, a series of extremely fortunate events, LUCK, and let's not forget the 10,000 Hour Rule!!While I completely agree with him 110%, I can't help but wonder: If you are an aspiring corporate lawyer in New York, hoping to be successful and powerful one day, are you at a loss if you aren't a Jewish man who was born in the Bronx or Brooklyn in the mid-1930s to immigrant parents who worked in the garment industry? (According to Gladwell's research, powerful and highly successful lawyers living in New York city have the same profile: they are Jewish, were part of the generation born in the Depression and had parents who worked in the garment business.)

While one may take Gladwell's explanations quite literally, what he simply tries to explain is that often enough our understanding of success is crude, and that in defining success, we should not focus so much on an individual - describing the characteristics, habits and personality traits of those who get furthest ahead in the world, but rather closely study his/her surroundings - his/her culture, community, family and generation. As he says, "We've been looking at tall trees, and I think we should have been looking at the forest."