Many a time I’ve often sat alone at a café or coffee shop and overheard – okay fine, eavesdropped if you will - the many conversations at surrounding tables, and I can safely say that a majority of conversations that go on between two or more women seated over cocktails are about relationships and/or men. Women often discuss their relationship problems very openly and indiscriminately with their girlfriends in order to get advice, and in some cases, for some much needed enlightenment and cheering up. Even though some of this advice is sincere and brilliant, take it with a pinch of salt and here’s why: “Every relationship is unique and nobody ever truly has the right answers with regards to this subject”. In fact a lot of the time women will give you advice based on what they have experienced, how they reacted when they experienced it, and what the outcome of their reactions was. In other words, advice is just someone else’s previous experience disguised as profound wisdom.
It’s all good and well to lean on your friends’ shoulders for comfort and help, but surprisingly enough there are some girlfriends who are in a somewhat competitive friendship with you and would love nothing more than to sabotage your love life; the irony of it all being that it is those very friends who we often turn to for relationship advice. Also, these friends find some sort of amusement in talking or gossiping about your problems to other people, and we all know just how distorted messages can get when they travel through multiple channels or media. Women should generally be wary of such friends because, as it turns out, there more deep-rooted issues than those that meet the eye and it is at that point that you need to rationally evaluate your friendship with this person; what your friendship represents as well as what foundation it was built on – but this is another article all on its own. Often times, and this is extremely unfortunate, women tend to rise against each other rather than with each other, probably as a result of envy or jealousy. But I really have to wonder why women would want to keep such friendships – friendships where someone doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
On the flip side though, there are those friends who do give you genuine advice in the hopes that their words will help you make a sound decision. But I have noticed that some women never listen to what their friends have to say, however sincere and true their words may be. They instead go back to their boyfriends / husbands and utter the words, “I was talking to Phillipa about us and she suggested that…” or “Kathy said that you….” Dare I ask, WHY? Why does a woman tell her partner exactly what her friend had to say about her relationship? And above everything else, this woman will probably listen to what her partner has to say over her friend which will ultimately cause a rift between the two women.
My point really is if your friend comes to you seeking advice about her relationship or if you have some startling news (i.e. a cheating partner) about her relationship that you may feel uncomfortable revealing, perhaps you may want to think about how you want to relay this information or IF you really want to say anything to begin with because more often than not messengers do get shot, metaphorically speaking. This is such a touchy topic because while some people say that withholding that kind of information means you are not a true friend, others point out that revealing it may cause unnecessary tension between you and your friend.
There really isn’t an easy way out and for those who insist on withholding information for the sake of an ongoing peaceful friendship, console yourselves and cling onto the notion that learning the hard way is sometimes best and the truth always comes out in the most unexpected ways – it may take weeks, months, it may even take years but somewhere, somehow, the truth regarding a relationship will reveal itself.
